Adult Bullying
“Someone who hates you normally hates you for one of three reasons: They see you as a threat. They hate themselves. Or they want to be you.” ―Unknown
The term
adult bullying sounds absurd doesn’t it. When we were kids we often thought
that once we became an adult no would bully us anymore. Well, we thought wrong, because adult bullying is a real thing, with today’s fast-paced life, stress
and being cornered with duties have led us to become jerks and insensitive to
others. Be it your boss, colleague/s, a romantic partner, siblings/cousins or
other family members, some client or even a friend these condescending bullies don’t
leave any chance (time or place) to vent their frustration out on their victims.
What is
considered as adult bullying?
In terms of definition,
when an adult is being bullied it would make them feel oppressed, humiliated,
de-energized or belittled. All these are the result of the cruel action by the perpetrator
including insults, ridicule, threats, public shaming, and invasion of one’s
personal space or unauthorised personal contact.
Harassment v
Bullying
Although both
the terms are quite often used synonymously, they both are hurtful and
destructive behavior. The similarities they bare are, they both center on the
disproportion of power between victim and bully, acts to intentionally hurt or
harm the victim and the perpetrator having trouble to stop their actions against
the victim.
The difference is when the bullying is targeted to those belonging to a protected class, then it becomes harassment. Protected class include: race, religion, national origin, sex, age, disability and color.
Different
types of adult bullies
Tangible/
Material bully: These include those who have a large disparity of power between
them. They are most likely to use their formal power, like your boss or
manager/ client or they might have dominion/ control over your finances/livelihood,
which they use a leverage to threaten you.
Verbal bully:
These tyrants take pleasure in shaming, insulting or belittling other with
words. They relentlessly criticize or cruelly tease or publicly shame their
targets. Regrettably, they make sexist, racist, homophobic or threatening
remarks.
Passive- Aggressive
bullying: Remember how the old Indian serials depicted the mothers-in-law behavior
towards the daughters-in-law. Well, they are known as the passive-aggressive
bullies, they show an amicable outward act but take unexpected swings at you. They
tend to gossip, use hurtful jokes and sarcasm, spread rumors, make rude facial
expressions and ridicule their victims. They isolate their victims causing them
to become anxious and insecure.
Cyberbully:
With the rapid growth in the internet bullying has taken a virtual form. Not only
teenagers but vulnerable adults have become victims to harassing emails, text
messages, and social media. The anonymity of the internet provides people with
the power to say anything and be unapologetically insensitive about it to
others.
Physical bully: These entails those who stimulates violence like raising their fist as if to strike, throwing or breaking stuff, to physically, domestically or sexually abuse.
What to do
if you’re a victim?
Select your
battles: Decide how to act depending on the severity of the bully’s action. If
they are not too violent or harmful and you come in contact with the bully only
once in a while (for example an abuse relative or your boss), you may want to
keep distance. You may pick and choose your battles if they aren’t directly
toxic/harmful to you.
Look them in
the eye: Ensure you make eye contact with your perpetrator as bullies tend to
have less empathy when they don’t see your eyes or face.
Document the
offence: Keep a record every single time, if you have decided to complaint. If
the offence is of sexual or physical in nature make sure to loge an official
complaint.
Talk to
someone about your abuse, call out on the atrocious act of your bully or write
a blog so your courage can be an example to other suffering the same. You may lack the courage but by telling someone, they’ll help you and
you don’t have to do this alone.
If you’re
the bully
Seek emotional
support or therapy (whether its court mandated or self realization). In quite some cases bullies have had a traumatic childhood
and quite often are themselves victims of domestic violence, physical abuse, or
other forms of abuse.
For those
who are experiencing bullying might have trouble
sleeping, feel paranoid, experience increased anxiety, losing self-esteem and
constantly feel on edge. Overcoming this would require years of therapy and
support from those around. For the bystanders when you see someone undergoing
bullying try helping them so the victim don’t feel so isolated and helpless.
